1. BE SELFISH with YOU – We’ve been taught that selfishness is a bad trait to possess thus creating a negative connotation around the word ‘selfish’. So even when one encourages a person to be selfish with themselves they think they’re being told to do something wrong. On the contrary, being selfish with YOU is mandatory when demanding your healing or simply being a better version of yourself. It was the FIRST thing I had to learn to do. Denying access to those that didn’t feed me and sometimes it meant denying access to those that did. Being selfish with me played a big part as it pertained to my energy. Learn to give, I’m big on giving and helping. But I only do those things when there is enough of me to share. If my cup is overflowing, I have it to give and I’m willing to help. If my cup is full (yes, I mean full and not empty) then guess what, I don’t have it to give and I’m not helping. It is imperative to know WHEN! I use to be one to give and give and as a result my cup would be empty. At one point I thought it was okay, simply because I helped. My soul let me know that was in fact a lie.
2. Say NO! – There comes a time when you have to stop saying yes to the shit you want to say no to! This was the easiest one on the list for me. In the beginning my reasoning was spiteful. I grew up in an environment where you couldn’t say no unless you were an adult and/or paying your own bills. I started saying no as soon as I signed my first lease at 17. simply because I could. Now, I don’t isolate my no’s to just them. Everyone gets them, if I don’t want to do it I don’t. I also don’t explain myself either because no is a complete sentence. A job is the only time where this does not apply, majority of the days I don’t want to go but I do…bills don’t understand no.
3. Forgive – Perhaps this should have been number 1. Forgive yourself first and then forgive everyone else. You breathe differently after a forgiving especially when you forgive yourself. We often tear ourselves down with regret because of decisions we made, opportunities we didn’t take, etc. Acknowledge where shit went left and make a mental note to use better judgement next time and let it go. Same when forgiving other people. Acknowledge what they did, work through the emotional aspect of it, recognize the part you played (if any) and then forgive them. Forgive them every day if you have to. Every time you find yourself resenting or blaming them FORGIVE them. There is so much freedom in forgiveness. So much strength in forgiveness. So much peace in forgiveness. Go get it!
4. See the fear and do it anyway!!! – Fear is an illusion that we create and even if for you it’s legitimate, this tip still applies! Don’t be held captive. Do not limit yourself. Don’t put anything out of your league. It’s your league, you decide what’s in it! If you’re fearful say you’re fearful then dive head first. Speak life into yourself while diving and believe it like you believe you are going to take your next breath. Same as grabbing the bull by the horns! Fear is not worthy so don’t let it hold you up. Don’t be afraid to leave. Don’t be afraid to start or start over. Don’t be afraid to move out or on. Don’t be afraid to speak up. Be fearless in everything, especially the things that you want! Look said fear right in the eyes and keep it moving!
5. Don’t take ANYTHING personal. – This one might bruise the ego a little if you’re an egotistical person. Nothing a person does, even if they do it to you, is about you. It’s about them. It’s a direct reflection of how they view themselves, how they feel and how they think. How dare you think you are so important to someone that their actions are about you? (I’m being both facetious and serious). The moment you realize you have to allow people to be themselves even if it hurts you ultimately means it has nothing to do with you, you’ll save yourself. The level of understanding you gain from this action alone is sure to better you because you’ll be able to forgive them and move the fuck around. You are no longer exerting energy to situations that are beyond your control. Remember you don’t have a problem you can not solve, if you can’t solve it, it is not your problem. When something is personal you can “control” it. Another human, especially their actions is never within your control therefore what they do should never be taken personally.
6. Be mindful of karma. – Cultivate a life of good karma. That doesn’t mean you won’t still have challenges and “unfair” things to happen to you, remember life is ultimately about balance. Yin & Yang, shit happens. But be mindful of sowing bad seeds into the universe. They come back ten fold. Every time. Also take note that karma isn’t always served in the exact manner you dished it out. You walk differently when you know your actions don’t warrant bad shit coming back on you. I thought I hated owing bill collectors, I hate owing karma more. You’ll understand that more when she comes to collect on your debt. Those of you that have or are paying…you understand the importance of this step on another level. Ase’
7. Self Love – You need love too!!! Date night isn’t limited to just your friends and/or significant other. And not being able to give yourself a full night isn’t an excuse either, me time is the same. Affirmations work. Write yourself love notes, love letters. Be your own hype (wo)man. Be your biggest supporter. Be naked and love yourself. Be clothed and admire yourself. Yoni affirmations are a thing too. Compliment yourself. Talk positively to yourself. Treat yourself. Be gentle with you. Don’t play about you. Speak life into you. Like you. Get to know you. People treat you how they observe you treating yourself.
8. Live in your truth – I’m not saying you have to tell your business to everyone, but there is a certain level of authenticity and transparency that comes with living in your truth. Sometimes it’s about saying things before someone else has a chance to say it as a means to use it against you. “Courtney tried to commit suicide girl she crazy” is different from “I’ve tried over a dozen times to take my own life because I didn’t think I was strong enough to endure”. There I’ve said it and now when you say it, no matter your tone, it means NOTHING. The exhale after I stopped trying to “hide” was liberating. And most times after you say it, people don’t care to say it. You took the “fun” out of it.
9. Be selective – Your tribe is so important. Less gossiping and more supporting. Your tribe should be speaking life into you instead of casting their doubts and fears onto you. Any energy they drain they should be willing to replace. They should feed the parts of you that need it and starve the darkness within you. Your tribe isn’t just your friends, your significant other or anyone that shares a close bond with is your tribe. Your tribe is a reflection of you!
Until next time…